My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
