Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
