The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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