textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
