dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
