Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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