Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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