I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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