I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
