the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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