you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
