Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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