i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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