I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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