She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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