can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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