It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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