im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
two words: eviction party
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
