I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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