Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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