Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
