We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
