You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
