I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
