I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
