This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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