She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
