i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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