i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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