dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
