So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
