my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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