You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
