When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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