Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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