I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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