he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
