I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
