Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This house was built for laser tag.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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