and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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