I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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