honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
