after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
