If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
