woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
