i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
