She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
