I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
