I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
