my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
