What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
