people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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