Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
