i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
