i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there's paper in my vomit.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
