I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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