I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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